i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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