i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
