I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
