you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
