I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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