She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
