hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to summon your inner elephant
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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