I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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