do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
