Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
