i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
