the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
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Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
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I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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