i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have already put on my inside pants.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize