i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
