You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
