During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
