Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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