His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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