She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
