I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
