Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
