ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize