If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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