One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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