One girl and one boy is just not enough.
pop tarts are not kleenex
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?