Im at strip club and am horny
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
she was so not down for the gang bang
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.