we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
