it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
they need to just BURY HIM!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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