even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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