Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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