here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
