You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
this just has baby written all over it
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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