I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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