Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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