I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
