Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
