You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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