when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize