My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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