pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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