it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
