she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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