I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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