At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
