i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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