she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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