I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think people are normalizing furries
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
