there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We are two peas in an std pod
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
