you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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