Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
