please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
