That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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