update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
