He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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