That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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