K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
