You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
True strength comes from lack of pants
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
