i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
