Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We have started to decorate penises.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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