i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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