i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
