She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
